What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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