i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize