Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
