I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
