he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
