So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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