Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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