Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize