apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize