My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
