This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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