This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize