I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
