I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize