I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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