do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
