I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
