So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
