just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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