I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
