Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
