why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize