Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
