It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
