Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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