I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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