just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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