Already got asked if we're dating
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
