Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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