Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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