i think i have herpe
just one?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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