This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
