WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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