I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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