I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
