I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
