She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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