how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
