I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
