also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize