Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
