The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
