My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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