saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Drunk is a universal language darling
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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