i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize