arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
