he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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