i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
