were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
