Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
