Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
