I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drunk is not a location!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
