So drunk its hurt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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