I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
