Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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