Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
