she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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