You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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