just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
