I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
