So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
