why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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