what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
