We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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