He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
