I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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