can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
